It is a truth universally acknowledged that people who have somewhere to be will always have to deal with other idiots who also have somewhere to be. It’s a vicious circle and one that I’m not altogether happy about participating in.
I’m sure you know what I mean. You’re probably, say, late for work. Like me, you might always be late for work. It’s already bad enough, then you remember the gauntlet you have to run in order to get to your office, inevitably on the other side of the city. You get off the train or the bus and take a look around. There are people everywhere and your hope of getting anywhere at a decent time all but fades to a distant memory.
If you’re anything like me, the prospect of this is infuriating. Absolutely, mind-numbingly infuriating. People are mostly idiots at the best of times, but when you’re late, it really does feel like the whole world is working against you.
As a stress-reducing exercise and quasi coping mechanism, I try to imagine my path to the office as some sort of objective-based video game called ‘Office Quest’ and the people in my way characters that I need to avoid in order to gain points, increase levels and gain experience.
I find imagining my life as ‘Office Quest’ is much easier than actually a) being on time or b) dealing with all the kinds of people that fill a mall each morning. I mean, really. What are these people doing, just wandering around aimlessly? Don’t they have anywhere else to be?
You know the types I’m talking about.
The people who stop in the middle of the walkway to look in their shopping bags. Who are these people? Why is it so important to just stop everything and take a look in their shopping at that exact moment? Why not move off to the side and take a look instead of collecting at least six people walking behind you?
Then there are the people who step out of the shops without even glancing at who might be coming up that cause the most grief. People traffic is like road traffic – rules should apply. What kind of person just walks into oncoming traffic without a care in the world? Worst of all, what kind of person just walks into oncoming traffic, while sending a text message? Then looks at you like you’re the worst person in the world for running into them?
Or the people who walk straight for you, willing you to move with their scowling faces then huff and puff when you don’t move out of the way. What the hell is that? It’s like some sort of weird, silent face-off that quite frankly gets a bit ridiculous and uncomfortable all at the same time.
And finally, let’s not forget about the people who change direction and pace all at the same time. First they’re walking in front of you, in the same direction as you and everything is how it should be. Then suddenly they’re not! They’re walking on top of you, walking sideways, criss-crossing or worse, all of the above! Where do you go? There are a million other people all coming at you as well and it’s like idiocy just exploded all over the place.
It’s just so bloody annoying. I don’t know, I might just be too critical. Or maybe, just maybe, people really are just idiots.